president schmesident

i've given up...getting involved in this election is just causing me emotional stress. i mean, who can really trust a politician anyway! isn't that an oxymoron...honest politician? here's my coping method through all this mayhem of politics...thanks to the onion:


How to pretend you give a $%@& about the election:

1. Invite your friends over to dinner and have the news on. When they get there, turn the TV off while apologizing and say “I promise I won’t talk about politics tonight”. It won’t be hard to keep your promise.

2. When they ask if you are a Democrat or a Republican – here are a list of political non-opinions for you to offer.

- “At this point, there isn’t much difference between the parties anyway.”

- “Politics today has too many labels”

- “We take voting for granted - much of the world doesn’t even get to choose their leaders.

- “I’m an independent.”

3. Talk about how sad it is that so many refuse to get involved with politics. Blaming other people for being uninformed is a good way to seem informed yourself.

4. It’s important to keep your cell phone on vibrate so if they happen to corner you on a particular issue, you have an excuse to change the topic without the need for a sound.

5. For ‘election day’ madness – it’s easy to get your hands on a sticker. It’s important to wear that sticker, it puts it right out in the open. It’s smart to have some sort of story about being at the polls. “I ran into my old college roommate” works, but “the roof caved in” does not. It has to be something that no one can check up on.

6. If they still don’t believe you, draw a child-esque drawing with markers and crayons (nothing too sophisticated) and show it to them. Tell them you saw it at the school where you voted and it was just so cute you had to take it home. (For those in Clark County Nevada, this still works if your voting station is a high school. Yeah for public schools in Clark County!)


Other tidbits of information that can help you:
-The less you know, the more you should pretend to know.
-Most people also know nothing, so they won’t question you.
-‘Election Day’ is November 2.
-Women can ‘vote’ too. Animals cannot.
-Candidates are “Barack Obama” and “John McCain”.
-Barack is the Black guy, John is the old guy.
-Mention ‘Swing States’ to sound smarter